Saturday, March 27, 2010

2 ears, 1 mouth

"Along, now you are making me more 
frustrated. I want someone to hear me 
how bad my day is, but you never listen. 
Why don't you just be a listener?" her voice 
loosen down, her face gloomed.

I turned away. "Why? I had  a bad day too, 
mama. I'm tired of listening to the same 
problem everyday. But you keep telling me 
your bad day, again. I don't want you to be 
reminded over and over while you were 
talking about your feeling...because it hurts 
me too!" my little heart cried out loud.

That was me, really.

I admitted that I was really a bad person. 
Lack of internal sensitivity. Yet, still. 
I used to cut her speech with "It's ok. 
I know how you feel" ... "Now, let's just ignore and 
not to talk about that, ok?" ... "It's enough. 
I don't want to hear any of this anymore." 

Not wise to hear and thus too easy to behave understanding.

Being a good listener isn't easy. Too often we pretend to be listening while our mind is racing, trying to think of something to say. The urge to interrupt and get in a word is powerful. We seem to want to hear ourselves just to confirm and validate our existence. And if our partner allows us to speak, instead of ending after making our point, we continue to speak for our own satisfaction. Not wanting to give up the pleasure of speaking, we then seek to control the conversation by spewing out endless chatter. The diagnosis of these symptoms is- Egoism.

Listening is an art.

The gentle art of listening is a magnificent gift that we can give to others and ourselves. When we listen to others, we show that what they have to say is worthwhile. Therefore, we instill in them self-worth and confidence. Even if what they have to say doesn't help us, it will help them, for as flowers unfold and mature when placed in the sun, people blossom and grow when exposed to a listening ear.

Dr. John Gray wrote in his multi-million copies book , 
'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' that: 
A woman under stress is not immediately concerned 
with finding solutions to her problems but rather 
seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood.

I should have known this earlier. 

Allah gives us one mouth and two ears. Why? Because He wants us to listen more than to talk. But we with our sins and weakness, we aren't able to reveal such wisdom. Indeed the reward of listening, then, is wisdom. For instance, if you are a patient, you would not want to visit a doctor who diagnoses your illness before they heard your symptoms. After all, how can we learn unless we listen? 

Therefore, for the future doctors and currently are doctors, please practice to be good listeners.

Those who listen to the Word [good advice La ilaha ill-Allah (none has the right to be worshipped but Allah) and Islamic Monotheism, etc.] and follow the best thereof (i.e. worship Allah Alone, repent to Him and avoid Taghut, etc.) those are (the ones) whom Allah has guided and those are men of understanding (like Zaid bin 'Amr bin Nufail, Salman Al-Farisi and Abu Dhar Al-Ghifari). [Tafsir Al-Qurtubi, Vol. 12, P. 244]                                                                  (Qur'an 39:18)

Ustaz Hasrizal stated in  
There may be wisdom in God urges us to pray.  
He does not know not what we want and need before we ask. 
 But we are asked to express first, so that we ourselves 
understand what we wish for, fulfill requests before God. 
 He wants us to invoke so that we see how Allah is Hearing, 
before we wish fulfilled. Before acting. 

Hearing itself is already ' syifa' '. Healing for those who share their problems as it effectively shower them with caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance. Rasulullah (saw) in his healing approaches had been reciting Qur'an for evil spirits weakened when they heard the Qur'an.

Listening, not talking, is the 
gifted and great role, and the 
imaginative role. And the 
true listener is much 
more beloved, magnetic 
than the talker, and he is 
more effective and learns 
more and does more good.  
By listening to others we 
learn what to do and what 
to avoid. At the same time 
we forge relationships that 
strengthen our position. 
Thus we learn that we are 
not alone. Listening is also an 
opportunity to console, 
reassure, and comfort others.  

Apart from that, if we want our voices to be listened, we have to listen first.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

And so try listening. Listen to your parents, your brother, your sister, your wife/husband, your friends; to those who love you and those who don't, to those who bore you, to your enemies. It will work a small miracle. And perhaps a great one. It really worked for me! A few years recently, I practiced listening when my mother described her situation. I found her pouring her anger, confusion, misery, happiness and satisfaction with ease. She became a lot better and more loving. Once she said to me contentedly, "You've changed a lot."

I'm posting this topic absolutely not because of that I am a good listener. But because I find it hard for us to realize the importance of listening. Let us ask Allah for some strength and let Him makes us to be a wise listener.

Would you want to listen to me?

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