Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Hold me tight....Allah

The Lord of the east and the west: there is no god except Him; so take Him for yourself as an Ever-Trusted Trustee.
                                                                                                                           (Qur'an 73:9)

Actually, I have one feeling to share with my friends today. Today I didn't attend my lectures. I woke up, felt tired and hesitated to get ready for my daily routine. I stayed at home, sat on my bed, doing nothing not even revising my past lectures. It was terrible, I know. Indeed, I am a terrible person!

It started a few days before, I learnt about 'wounds' in my Forensic course. I just couldn't get myself together. When I came back from faculty, I found myself trembling in fear with tears fall like rain drops down my cheeks. I was in trauma! To say it honestly, I like Forensic but I also hate it. Because it reminds me of those memories I really want to get rid of. It reminds me of things I don't want to see anymore. It reminds me about histories that I want to erase from my past. Oh, how I wished I never went through those bad things! 

Last night I went through something horrible. It was a pitch dark history, for me. I felt hot despite of the cold winter. I felt suffocated, asphyxiated. I could feel myself weaker...and weaker. Then I looked around me, I heard voices reciting al-Qur'an. I looked up, my friends were surrounding me. A friend hold me close, whispered in my ears..."Allah!"  That was the word. I heard it so many times...over and over. I recognized that word! The only name in my every heart beat, from the moment I heard it. I want to follow her tongue....and said it out. The more I tried, the harder it was. All I could do was crying...I cried...and cried. It was useless! You could never imagine how frustrated I was. My heart was frowning. Oh, Allah....the Most Beautiful name I've ever heard! That kept my heart beating when my tongue was stiffening.

 In every heart beat...

How perfect You are ya Allah. Your greatness...Your merciful....Your justice towards Your slaves. How humble I am in front of You. I keep committing sins and crimes upon You, I neglect Your message, I keep walking with my head up, I think less about You, I abandoned Your rights......really I have nothing to offer You. BUT You ya Allah....keep forgiving me and giving me chances, keep holding me tightly to Your rope, keep loving me despite my sins are like sand by the sea shore, keep gracing me with your uncountable bounties, and You al-Waliyy....never ever stop offering me protections for my akhirah. Oh al-Wakeel..The Trustee, the One who always supports those who trust Him and grant them victory. Make me among those who put my trust in You.....ya Allah.

And to Allah belongs the Unseen of the heavens and the earth: and to Him all Command will be returned. So worship Him and put your trust in Him...
                                                                                                                      (Qur'an 11:123)

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That your so alone
All you is see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can`t see which way to go
Don`t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insya Allah
Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Everytime you can make one more mistake
You feel you can`t repent
And that its way too late
Your`re so confused,wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame

Don`t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side
Insya Allah
Insya Allah you`ll find your way
Insya Allah
Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Turn to Allah
He`s never far away
Put your trust in Him
Raise your hands and pray
Ooo Ya Allah
Guide my steps don`t let me go astray
You`re the only one that showed me the way,
Showed me the way
Insya Allah
Insya Allah we`ll find the way

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