"Come home for me, Along," she said on the phone."I want to see you, I want to have your courage! Bring me your smile, Along," her voice trembled in her tears. My tears were rolling down my cheeks like rain. "I am sorry, mama, for abandoning you," I replied. Guilty. That evening, we cried together as much as we wanted, as though we were hugging each other long and warm hugs. Letting the tears swept away the fears.
I sat on my chair. Still. Listened to her inner feelings at the end of the line. Saying nothing. If only I could fly in the air, I would be there for her. Distance has separated us. In different continents, separated by Indian Oceans between Egypt and Malaysia. Poor, mama! She had been through a lot of setbacks in her life. But she is strong, no, stronger than I imagined. I always look up to her. She is my source of courage; keep telling me that Allah is never gonna let me go astray. She is my alive diary; I can pour to her anything I’ve been through in my days…my ups and downs. She is my role model, keep providing me good examples to cope with life. She is always near whenever I need her. That moment, I felt her pain. There’s nothing more painful than to let her feelings take her down.
Pain is a blessing. It is not always negative force and is not something that we should always hate. At times when we feel a load of pain, we supplicate sincerely and remember Allah. This is the way! Allah inflicts us with sufferings for us to be near to Him. He misses listening to our voices crying to Him, asking from Him, hoping for Him and supplicating Him with all our hearts. Believe me, our pain that we’ve been through, worth a heaven in hereafter. But with one condition, pass through it with the heart of Muslim!
“ He new what was in their hearts, and He sent down as-sakeenah (calmness
and tranquility) upon them, and He rewarded them with a near victory.”
We should be thankful to Him for He chooses us to be among those who purify our hearts. With the blessing of pain, we cleanse our hearts, we look forward for His help, we train ourselves to be patient and forbearing and we take a closer step to Him. So, let us reduce the amount and intensity of our grief. As for being completely free from grief, this is for the inhabitants of Paradise in Hereafter. A person who lives the life of comfort and repose and who is not stung by hardships, or who has never tasted with calamity will be an unproductive, lazy and lethargic person. How unlucky! Indeed, He states in His Qur’anic verse :
“That He might try you, which of you is the best in deeds.”
My mother, the queen of my heart. You always say to me, "Whatever happens in this world, we will go through them together...forever!" Now, it is my time. My turn. To be there for you the time you are in need. To share your pain. To share the burden on your back. To lend you a shoulder to cry. To at least smile at you. Mou matte na, okaasan! Shinpai nai. Malaysia ni kairu, kanarazu!