Stay back!

I had an issue with my third sister. The thing is, I think that she is so immature. And somehow stupid. Yeah sorry sista, I really need you to know what is my opinion regarding yourself. D'uhh~

Aaaaargh!!

What am I doing?

Guess I'll just have to let this 

mixed up feelings out of my system. 

Because I CANNOT hold it anymore! 

I am angry, frustrated, sad, disgusted 

and bored of this cliche'. 

Talk about major HEADACHE. 

I am so HELPLESS! 

My life is going to be ruined!

I believe that all these moronic actions of her started because of her JERKY f*****r. Lately, that guy had been haunting us, not in a good way, I supposed. You can continue the rest of the chronology yourself. She fell into his trap. She did the craziest things. She fought with Mom. I tried to help her. We disagreed with each other. We quarreled. I ended up not talking to her. When I'm ignoring, that's a bad sign!

Syafakillah

Actually I want to let you know ONE thing.

Baby-Ie was admitted to hospital 

just couple of days ago. 

She undergo a surgery for 

having acute appendicitis. Alhamdulillah 

it was a successful surgery.

It happened during her last 

paper of PMR. She was trying 

hard to control her pain  

but after 15 minutes she was 

trembling with unbearable pain. 

She was brought to the hospital 

immediately and was given 

a shot of pain killer (I guess). 

After Baby was stabilized again, 

she continued her battle for her 

Arabic Language paper.

Prayer power

As Ramadhan is approaching, 

I can sense the enthusiasm runs in everyone. 

This is a GREAT sign! 

When you come to such degree 

of excitation and eagerness 

looking forward for Ramadhan 

to greet you, your soul is 

emitting good auras. OR in Naruto 

they called it as 'chakras'. 

But I'm no Naruto fan. Not that I hate, 

I'm just not one of the fan.

Maybe if we talked about Tennis no Oijusama, it will be a different story!


BACK to the story.

Tragedy

Yesterday night I hurt myself. It was 1.30 in the early morning. Outside were glittery stars against the illuminating sky. I could see them from my window pane. But I couldn't see the fair moon. It was hiding behind the wall of my room. But I knew it was there.

Lately, since the exam 

started pressuring my brain, 

I found myself being an insomniac. 

Like...who on earth would sleep soundly during nights of exams right? 

I was in too much worries and still is.

Surprisingly, even it was over, 

I still couldn't sleep at nights.

Direction and velocity

I meet Najwa in the afternoon, specifically during ITQAN. We exchange smiles from distance.

"Hangpa sedar tak camera hangpa tak dak? Did you realize that u lost your camera?" she ask in her Kedah accent.

"La....a'ah la! Baru kami perasaan. Ada dengan hangpa ka? Now that you mention it, did you have my camera with you?" I try to relax.

"Tak sedih ka camera tak dak? Camera hangpa ada dengan musyrif, Ustaz Bendahari. Don't you feel sad? Yours is with Ustaz Bendahari."

Say it isn't so

"Mama, I don't like ikan keli (cat fish) and I would never eat it," my youngest sister, Baby told her mother one morning.

"Yes, I know. Our family don't eat ikan keli. Anyway, kelisa is a nice fish," Mama said, smiling.

"Is kelisa a fish?" I asked innocently.

"What?! Oh...Along! You went flying here and there, yet you don't know that kelisa is a type of fish?"

"Well, I only knew that Kelisa was produced after Kancil and Rusa. So, I thought that they might had came from the same group. You know, surely it won't be suitable to name a car as Pelanduk."

We busted into laughter.

Time after time

I've just finished my Ophthalmology written paper! Oooh, my vision is blurring! Right, I won't talk about that anyway...Let Allah complete the rest.

It was the Father's Day just passed few days. And I'm not here to post a-Father's-Day-gift-entry, absolutely! The reason is simple, because now I do not have a father. He left. Hurm...it sounds rather rude.. Then how about he 'died'. Ah, that is more polite!

"Why did you hate your father so much?" 

Someone asked me.

Just for you, Mama

My special Mother's Day post should be yesterday but since I've just finish preparing a little present for my Mama, so I guess it'll be all right for a little delay. Oh, don't worry! I've called my mom earlier in the morning and wished her a 'Happy Mother's Day'.

 
I miss your warm hugs.

Narrated by al-syaikhani Bukhary and Muslim: 

 A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father. 

Viva forever

The Prophet (pbuh) said, "A believer is 

like a building whose different parts 

enforce each other." The Prophet (pbuh) 

then clasped his hands with fingers 

interlaced (while saying that).

Narrated by Abu Musa.

It has been a long time since I heard 
this particularly noble hadith again. 
Somehow, it touches my feeling. I don't 
know how to describe it. But it has....
softness like silk. With warm and cool 
elements. My vision becomes blurry. 
Beads of tears start flowing over the 
corner of my corneas. Pain!

2 ears, 1 mouth

"Along, now you are making me more 
frustrated. I want someone to hear me 
how bad my day is, but you never listen. 
Why don't you just be a listener?" her voice 
loosen down, her face gloomed.

I turned away. "Why? I had  a bad day too, 
mama. I'm tired of listening to the same 
problem everyday. But you keep telling me 
your bad day, again. I don't want you to be 
reminded over and over while you were 
talking about your feeling...because it hurts 
me too!" my little heart cried out loud.

That was me, really.

The purest of pain

I feel like breaking down

I feel out of place

I feel like running away

I feel sick and deep inside me bleeding

I stuck inside the world I hate!

  

I'm not sure how I suppossed to feel. Hurt? Left out? Frustrated? I feel sick! Sick of pretending to be all right. Sick of pretending that everything is just fine. Sick of those fake smiles and stupid lies. They speak like they care, but actually they don't. They act like they help but indeed they don't. They appear sympathy but actually not. Damn those sweet lies! It is a pity. 

You should have aware of that earlier, before playing those killing-me-inside roles. Indeed, I feel sorry towards you, really. Or am I being too cynical? 

Hold me tight....Allah

The Lord of the east and the west: there is no god except Him; so take Him for yourself as an Ever-Trusted Trustee.

                                                                                                                           (Qur'an 73:9)

Actually, I have one feeling to share with my friends today. Today I didn't attend my lectures. I woke up, felt tired and hesitated to get ready for my daily routine. I stayed at home, sat on my bed, doing nothing not even revising my past lectures. It was terrible, I know. Indeed, I am a terrible person!

Hide and seek

It's been a while I haven't post something here. I'm still in Malaysia, by the way. Yeah, you know...enjoying my so-called-holiday...tasting hometown's cuisines...visiting teachers and relatives...having fun under the sun and not to forget the sea! We collect a lot of...'remis' some kind of animal that i don't know it's name in English. There are so much of theme by the seashore and you can simply collect them without having to dig the shore. They say that those 'remis' are having 'headache' and float because of the earthquake in Padang. Believe it or not, it's up to you! After all, Allahu a'lam.

But believe me, IT'S LOVELY! What else do you need than having your loved ones by you side? They make me feel all right. They make me feel wanted. It is just a bond that would never break, biiznillah. Spending about one month at home, with mama (Cik Yah sends you her regards!) and Mat Wey and Wanie and Leilin and Big Baby...is never going to be enough. A moment with each of them is the moment I treasure. Thank you Allah, The Merciful.


We sing lively, we laugh out loud, we joke silly jokes and we get angry with each other. Funny and sweet! We even play hide and seek. A game that you used to play when you were in kindergarten. The game that we like so much and usually lasts for a few rounds. But with a condition, we have to play hide and seek at night, in the pitch dark. Very exciting and...well...challenging! Yeah, why not? The seeker has to look for the other members with the whole house lights off, except the kitchen...where no one will be a fool hiding in there.

Blessing of pain

"Come home for me, Along," she said on the phone.

"I want to see you, I want to have your courage! Bring me your smile, Along," her voice trembled in her tears. My tears were rolling down my cheeks like rain. "I am sorry, mama, for abandoning you," I replied. Guilty. That evening, we cried together as much as we wanted, as though we were hugging each other long and warm hugs. Letting the tears swept away the fears.

I sat on my chair. Still. Listened to her inner feelings at the end of the line. Saying nothing. If only I could fly in the air, I would be there for her. Distance has separated us. In different continents, separated by Indian Oceans between Egypt and Malaysia. Poor, mama! She had been through a lot of setbacks in her life. But she is strong, no, stronger than I imagined. I always look up to her. She is my source of courage; keep telling me that Allah is never gonna let me go astray. She is my alive diary; I can pour to her anything I’ve been through in my days…my ups and downs. She is my role model, keep providing me good examples to cope with life. She is always near whenever I need her. That moment, I felt her pain. There’s nothing more painful than to let her feelings take her down.