Time after time

I've just finished my Ophthalmology written paper! Oooh, my vision is blurring! Right, I won't talk about that anyway...Let Allah complete the rest.

It was the Father's Day just passed few days. And I'm not here to post a-Father's-Day-gift-entry, absolutely! The reason is simple, because now I do not have a father. He left. Hurm...it sounds rather rude.. Then how about he 'died'. Ah, that is more polite!

"Why did you hate your father so much?" 

Someone asked me.

Who said that? That would be rude of me. I didn't hate him.
He just do not deserved to be loved! 

Oh, boy! Is there a 'deserved' / 'undeserved' to be loved father in this world?

Surely, dude! Of course!

Let me tell you another miracle of life.

Did you ever notice that a foster-child usually addressed their legally foster parents as 'Mommy' and 'Daddy'? In addition, the child love his foster parents even though he knew that they are not his real parents. (Hey, I'm not practising tongue twister here!)

May I tell you why?

Because it's a miracle! And they deserve it. The child deserves the protection and the parents deserve his love. Those parents provide the child with what his real parents can't give. The only thing that fosters do not deserve is to put their family name to his birth certificate. That's all!

You did get the point, didn't you?

Father is not a title just at the moment he fathers a child. Father isn't just about the genes and chromosomes. Indeed, it is an honourable title for an honourable person who carries his loyal duty asked by Allah! Aren't children are the mandates that Allah sent down to their parents?

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small." (Qur'an, Al Isra': 23-24)

Again, I do not hate F****r. I just cannot find a way to like him. If I hate someone, I won't do good things that Allah wants me to do...I will carry revenge...I will condemn that person all my life! But I do not! I don't do bad things to him, I don't go against him (except for he disapproved me to come to Egypt), I don't fight (anymore) and the best thing is, I don't kill him (whatever)! I just greatly dislike F****r. See the differences?

Fine, I'm bad enough for you!
Don't read this!
(Shuu..shuuu!)

(Sighs...)

You know, I do not blame you for not understanding my complicated feelings. Being through all those oppressions and sufferings, he himself made us hate him. He didn't give a damn care for us. Never care to teach us the way of ablution, not to say how to correct the prayers. He let us lived in a mansion full of hatred. He never even tell us stories of Rasulullah. He never truly led us to understand the value of love. He let us grew as miserable kids. The worst father ever, I would say. No, I'm not cutting down the wood that gives me shade. But the green wood all ready died...

So, if people ask me...who is your Father?

This question always rings a bell! I usually found myself trapped in that most-unfavourable-question...because there'll be just an empty smile I could show you.

The only thing that I thanked him is that he made me realized there is no bliss without Eeman! Happiness comes together with Eeman! For this true fact, I thanked him from the bottom of my heart. Yes, Eeman is always the main compulsory and essential component of a family! Again, thanks to F****r!

Folks, please!

You can't be called 'Father' only because of that 'sperm-ovum' relation. You can't be judged 'Father' just because you provide shelter, food, clothes, money, good vacations...land the list goes on. (My...if you rely on these materials, most of the Palestinians who are under bombs, never be called 'Fathers') You can't call yourself 'Father' just because you marry the 'Mother'!

But one is a deserved-to-be-called father, once he drive his family in the guidance of Islam and fill those hearts with Eeman. 

Islam is based on five things: the testimony that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is His servant and messenger, the observance of the prayer, the payment of Zakat, the pilgrimage, and the fast during Ramadan. (Bukhari, Muslim)

And for you, whom I used to call F****r...again...it was not that we hate you, not to say but if you only knew. We hate your way of treating us. And we just greatly dislike you! Because you had seeded the grains of hatred in our small hearts. Time after time the grains grow very well rooting deeply through the arteries and veins. (Filling all the 4 heart chambers.) Well, it had been years, so I might say that the 'trees' are now pretty much a black forest!

Last but not least, even though there's no way this will reach you, F****r, but please know...that all the days you've spent with us, now it seems so far away! Dakara koso...please know...We do not want to see you, any more. Zettaini!!

 I can't be perfect.
All of the time, I seem to forget that he is not yet 'dead'.